No Parent Should Ever Have To

No Parent Should Ever Have To

I had to do something today that no parent should ever have to do. I had to admit my child into a psych ward. There is no way I can describe to you what it feels like to take him there and have to walk away, leaving him all alone without even his phone or ID.

When you have an adult child with mental illness you have to wait until they cry out for help. The saddest part was that he didn’t do this to himself. There was no drug abuse, or any crime committed, he simply was born into a broken world this way. He always loved the name Justice, and sad to say there wasn’t any in life for him.

I can’t even call or text him and I am only allowed 1 hour a day to come and visit. Now I know that this is what’s best for him but a mother’s heart bleeds at leaving” her baby” all alone when he is scared and anxiety ridden.

He had reached his bottom 3 days ago, all alone in a shed, screaming out to God and fearing he had committed the unpardonable sin. He was certain God had left him and feared the worst.

I tried to reason with him about God’s goodness and mercy but because he was born with Asperger’s he couldn’t be reasoned with. His anxiety rose to such a level that he couldn’t sleep nor stop the thoughts racing through his head.

I had awoke to his knock on my bedroom door and him saying he felt like he was having a heart attack. I knew I could wait no longer, and at his bottom, he was ready for help. He had talked of suicide often over the years. He always felt misunderstood and rejected by his peers. They didn’t consider him “man” enough and often teased and made fun of him to others. At the end only his sister and I remained.

Hopefully he will be able to come home in 2 or 3 days with the right medication to help balance him out. God works in mysterious ways and maybe this is the healing he has been praying for. Not the way he wanted it, for sure, but nevertheless, a way that might bring him a “hope and a future”.

So to all the mothers out there who are struggling with this, my heart breaks for you too. As I sit here crying, broken myself, I know I am not alone. If we are able to meet each other in our pain then Satan didn’t win after all. God promises us that all things will work together for good in him who loves the Lord.

So Benny, I will have enough faith to believe this for you. A mother never stops being a mother. You can hang onto my faith to see you through these dark days. I will always love you and think you are the greatest person a mother could ever hope for. I am proud of your courage and strength to seek help in your darkest hour.

17 Comments

  1. Mary Ping
    Aug 5, 2016

    My heart goes out to you. I pray your son finds peace in mind and heart. May God bless you and your family with sunnier days ahead.

  2. Debbie
    Aug 5, 2016

    Bobbi, special prayers for you, your son, and your family. May God guide the doctors to find the right combination of medications. Your son is blessed that you understand.

  3. Snooky
    Aug 5, 2016

    Bobbi, I am so very sorry for you & your family! I will pray for you an you son that he will be better sooner than later! It has to be so hard for you !
    God Bless✝
    Snooky🙏

  4. Libby Butts
    Aug 5, 2016

    Bobbi, my heart is breaking as tears, that do not come easy for me, are streaming down. Ben is a good man who has a good mom to advacate for him. I wrap my faith around yours in hope that the promise, that when two or three are gathered in agreement, will soon manifest through this present darkness! Love you both with all my heart!!!
    Libby

  5. Kristi Kaja-Langen
    Aug 5, 2016

    Our prayers are with you and Benny. God-willing he with finally have a chance to make it and survive with the right help. I KNOW how hard it was for you and know we are praying you through, feeling your pain and believing the through Jesus ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Love you!

  6. Scott Eaker
    Aug 5, 2016

    Been there with Our son. Addiction, jail, prison, and God never left us. We lift you up in prayer. Call if you need to talk. Still remember your kindness when jimmy and I visited and we went to covered bridge festival. You have a huge heart. I pray for peace, healing, understanding, guidance and comfort for you and your family.

  7. Roxanne
    Aug 5, 2016

    Bobbi I am so sorry to hear of your son’s pain and the pain, as his Mother, that you are going through. I will keep you and your family in prayer. Never give up our God is great and will see you all through this.

  8. Jane Shields
    Aug 5, 2016

    Bobbi,
    My heart goes out to you and your son Ben. We have gone through some issues with our youngest son, which has been very hurtful. No mother wants these things for their children and we hurt when they hurt. I know you from when our kids went to Cornerstone. We talked often and took our kids out to Burger King together. I have since remarried, but remember your sweet countenance. I felt your pain in your writing and pray that Ben will be helped. Take care Bobbi and hold on
    Your friend, Jane

  9. Angie
    Aug 5, 2016

    Praying for peace for you. It is the right thing. You have instilled in Ben a love for God and an understanding that most of us never achieve. Ben has seen God in you and knows where your strength comes from. I pray that now, in his dark hour, that he will seek God as you do. That his faith will give him peace. I pray that he will be receptive to the doctor’s recommendations and most importantly that God will give the doctor’s the insight into Ben’s most inner parts and can QUICKLY find the best medicines. I am sure that he won’t take anything that he feels changes who he is or that sedates him too much. Prayers for you and Ben. Let me know if I can help.

  10. Liz Huber
    Aug 6, 2016

    Nothing is impossible with God. Prayers for you and Ben during this very difficult time. As mothers, we always want what is best for our children regardless of age and we never stop loving them. May Ben get the help he needs for his well being and may you find comfort knowing you did what is best for him. Sending love.

  11. Elizabeth Hayes
    Aug 6, 2016

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Bobbi. My thoughts and prayers are with you. We serve a great God, whose ways are not our ways. Praying His comfort and peace over you.

  12. Kathy Bedwell
    Aug 6, 2016

    Oh Bobbi, I am so sorry to hear this but also glad that some steps are being taken that may really make a difference in your precious son. The Lord knows exactly what He’s doing and His ways and plans are perfect, even though we don’t see them that way. I will continue to pray for you both; please let me know if I can help in any way. Coffee is on me!! Love abounds,
    ❤️💝💖

  13. LORETTA SNEDEKER
    Aug 6, 2016

    Bobbi my prayers are with you. I’m just a phone call away if you need me.

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